Ask Don G
| Content Warning! We embrace open and frank discussions, however we reserve the right to edit or delete content that goes too far. Please be respectful of others when posting. We are not responsible for content posted by others. This page may also contain colorful language, so please participate/read at your own risk. DON G. is short for Don Giovanni (aka Don Juan) the main character of one of our upcoming operas: Don Giovanni. Find out more about Don Giovanni here. Dear Don Gio, The soccer world cup is about to start, what do I do with my gf in the meantime???? - Don Vittorio Well Vittorio, the first thing to remember where women and sports are concerned is this – women are great for celebrating or great to console in defeat. So, you can use the result to your ultimate advantage, either way. While we are on the subject of the World Cup, let me just say it is one of my favorite sporting events. The month-long tournament is one of the best months in all of sports. My prediction – England defeats Portugal in the World Cup Finals 2-0 with Wayne Rooney coming up big against his former Manchester United teammate, Cristiano Ronaldo. The Don Dear Don, What should you wear to the opera? Dear Wondering, Being a man of my stature and position in society, I wear capes when I attend the opera. It is best to look your best, I mean, how else would you be able to compete with someone like me. Of course, at this opera company, for some reason they allow people of all kinds to attend MY opera. I have seen people in shorts and flip flops there. While I don't agree with their fashion, at least they are coming to see me, so I can't really complain… The Don Don, I know that you don't have any troubles with the ladies but I hear that close by there is a salesman that will sale you an Elixir for Love. Have you thought about expanding your experiences by buying an Elixir? Dear "Dulcamara," You ask that question as if I actually NEED to expand my experiences! Ha! I have a book recounting all of my conquests – did you know that in Spain I have had 1,003 women? Does that sound like someone that needs an elixir to get some? I'll leave the elixir for the peasants like Nemorino – while it doesn't give them much of a chance against MY wiles, it gives them a chance none-the-less. The Don PS: it's "sell you elixir," not sale. Hey Babe-- Whacha doin' this weekend? Wanna come over for a home cooked meal? Dear Cook, Well, I'll be on the Bass Hall stage getting all my underlings prepared for Fort Worth Opera's opening night. There are few times that I don't put pleasure first, but when it comes to "…one of the country's premier opera festivals" (according to local papers) it's all business. Give me a call on June 7 ;) The Don Dear Don G, My master treats me poorly and doesn't appreciate me. He is vebally and physically abusive too me. He even once made me wear his clothing to trick one of his lady friends. How can I tell him that I am not comfortable and want to part ways? L Dear L, This scenario sounds like something I would do. HA! I can't count how many times Leporello and I would… Wait a minute – signed, L??? How did he get on a computer?? We'll see how HE likes dining with the Commendatore… The Don Dear Don, Do you use protection? Dear Curious, Of course I use protection. What kind of nobleman would I be without? Those lowly peasants, who are always begging me for money and food, they have to be kept at bay. Not to mention my servants! There is always the possibility of an uprising against someone as handsome, wealthy and charming as I am. I have bodyguards all around my estate, it would be foolish not to. And of course, you know of my chief bodyguard, Leporello. The Don Dear Don G, When will season tickets be mailed? Dear Wise One, First, let me complement you on your good taste. Your tickets to MY festival will start being mailed out the week of April 12. Any season subscribers should have their tickets by May 1. I know you will enjoy everything I have to offer, both onstage and off. I look forward to seeing you there. The Don Dear Don G, I think that a ghost is haunting me. What do I do? Dear Haunted, You are in luck. Since the Fort Worth Opera Festival hasn't quite begun yet, I have had quite a bit of time on my hands. With all the time, I have become rather addicted to a certain TV show on cable, I believe it is called Ghost Hunters. This show will tell you all you need to know. If you don't have cable, then watch the movie Paranormal Activity. This movie will show what will happen to you. It's not pretty. The Don PS: Whatever you do, don't invite the ghost to dinner. Trust me, this ends badly. Dear Don G, Who is more macho you or Niccolo Machiavelli? Dear Uninformed, Are you really asking me if this Machiavelli is more macho than I, the Don? Aside from being insulted, I am very humored. There is no one that drips of machismo more than I do. Please, remember who you are talking to. The Don Dear Don G, My young son has selected you as his role model. I am a bit concerned. Please advise. Dear Outstanding Parent, I understand your concern. You are afraid that he is aspiring too high; that is understandable. You should be very proud of your son, not concerned. He obviously has an interest in the finer things, and would like a role model who is very proficient in that realm. Do not worry any longer. For a fee, I can show him how to reach whatever goal he has, whether it is money, fame or a female. I know how to grasp all of these. And I take AmEx. Not only be proud of him, but be proud of yourself. You have set him on the right path. Congratulations. The Don Dear Don G, I can't help but wonder who you are and why you feel that you have all the answers. I'm sure this is simply a way to fill empty space in the paper because the things you're saying sound like a person who doesn't have very much sense or heart. Know Better Dear Know, I am shocked that you have not heard of me. I am the magnificent nobleman, Don Giovanni, also known as Don Juan. Some people say that I am a made-up character, but I am indeed real, at least in my own imagination. If you look me up in the dictionary, you will find terms such as "womanizer," "rogue," and "philanderer." Stories of my conquests are legendary and the fodder of much entertainment. I have been portrayed by Johnny Depp in a movie for a reason of which I can not fathom. I am much, much better looking than he. The Don Dear Don G, Will your opera be performed with live music or a sound track? Dear Whoever-you-are, This is a very good question for two reasons; the first being that arts organizations are finding that they need to cut back on things due to the current economic climate (which, by the way, hasn't affected my millions), and secondly, because it's about me. Let me tell you that the Fort Worth Opera, lucky enough to do an opera this spring about me, uses all live musicians. They bring in the finest sounding and looking singers from around the globe, they employ the wonderful Fort Worth Symphony Orchestra and hold open auditions in the community for both dancers and extras. I heard a rumor, that a few years ago during a Turandot performance, they even used real Chinese acrobats! Rest assured, when you attend the Fort Worth Opera, everything is in 3D and surround sound. Looking forward to seeing you there. The Don Dear Don G, The girl I'm dating doesn't want me introducing her as my girlfriend. What do I do? Confused Dear Confused, This seems like a silly question to someone such as myself. Often times, I am the one that needs to fend off the would-be girlfriends. They are always so attracted by my charm, wit and money, that there is no shortage of women "waiting in the wings". I am sorry, but I actually find myself on the side of your girlfriend. My advice is this: keep options open. There is no need to be exclusive, when many women can offer many different things. You can have a "going out in public" woman, a "keeping the house in order" woman. You could even have a woman that you enjoy other things with. Every woman's talents are different, and it is best to have many women whose talents compliment one another. The Don Dear Don G, What brand of Champagne works best for seduction? – Donna Giovanna Dearest Donna, The brand of champagne depends solely on the audience you are attempting to woo. If I, for example, was seducing a younger woman, or a girl from north Dallas, I would use Crystal – based solely on the price per bottle. That audience is prone to respond better to displays of money. If the female you are seducing is a woman of class, sophistication and appreciates the finer things; I would suggest a bottle of Veuve Clicquot, a French champagne. Veuve Clicquot Brut Yellow Label manages to reconcile two opposing factors – forcefulness and finesse - and to hold them in perfect balance. Of course, my preferred choice for any alcoholic beverage will always be Prosecco, an Italian sparkling wine. Prosecco is Italy's answer to refreshing, well-made sparkling wine at a reasonable price. You don't get to be rich by spending away all of one's money. The Don Dear Don G, Ever since I went to college, my girlfriend has been acting weird. It seems like she is pissed or something. I don't know what is wrong with her. What can I do? Name Withheld Dear Name, I am confused. What is the problem here? You are the man. That is all she needs to know. You are free to do what you like, with whomever you like. If she is going to act in a way unbecoming, there are many, MANY more women out there that know their place in society. While the rebellious ones can be fun, they are around in a mostly temporary role. Find a new plaything. That is always the best medicine. Happy Hunting, The Don Dear Don G, I really like this girl that I met in class, but she has a boyfriend. Any suggestions? Sincerely, Jason Dear Jason, I learned long ago that no woman is off limits. Let me try to put this in a way you can understand. Single, married, young woman or old maid they are fair game, as long as you've got game. In my many endeavors there is one absolute wooing technique that never fails. Serenade her with a guitar. The steps to this are very simple. You walk up to her house and find her window (hopefully she has a balcony). You get her attention, if you send her a note in advance telling her to be on her balcony at a certain time; that usually works very well. Make sure the words of the song tell her how beautiful she is, compare her to the sea, the moon, and the stars – whatever works for you. The most important thing is to make her think you actually mean all of these words, and aren't just trying to get into her bedroom. Happy Hunting, The Don Dear Don G, Ever since my boyfriend went away for college, he doesn't seem to be into us. He says he just busy and he still loves me and all that, but it's really pissing me off. My girlfriends tell me to dump him. What do you think? Sarah Dearest Sarah, My number is 555-DonG (3664). Call me. You won't even remember this silly boy. Waiting, The Don Dear Don G, Alright, so I've been going out with this guy for a little past a year. Kind of semi-serious, you know? Anyway, we were at his friend's house who told us he was moving to Seattle with his girlfriend and her new job. My boyfriend said he was crazy and we got in a fight over it. If his job were to move should I follow him since he apparently wouldn't follow me? Jennifer Dear Jennifer, You must remember who the most important person is in any relationship, that being that man. How else will you pay for your shoe fetish and styling wardrobe. Stick with the bread winner honey. You should of course know, that even if you do move with him, there is the good possibility of him finding another beautiful flower from his new city to add to his garden, so don't be offended, call me instead. The Don Dear Don G, I'm an 86 year old widower who still lives in my own home and jogs 2 miles a day. I'm in pretty good shape. My neighbor has a daughter around 21 or 22. She's very nice to me and pretty too. Would it be out of line for me to ask her out? How should I do it? I'm rusty at this sort of thing. Sincerely, Walter Walter, First, what are you running from? Is your time not already consumed with secret plots against your enemies and keeping your servants in line? Moving on, my father is older than you and has dated many a young lass – even without my mothers' approval. We are free to take whatever woman we'd like. My advice is to dust off your Aqua Velva and invite her over to view your art collection. Displays of wealth are never lost on a young female. Happy Hunting, The Don Dear don g, ok so i have a bf but i havent seen him in like 3weeks and im lossing myfeeling for him he so nice and i dont want to breakup cause i no it will hurt him so muchbut im not crazy about him anymore what should i do im so confused xxoo Dear xxoo, What kind of name is xxoo? You can come and work for me. Based on this letter, you are not worthy of my advice, and that may be the best offer you get. The Don |
